So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
