I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
