So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
