Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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