Fine. I'll sleep in my office
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
How's work?
Spinning.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
