it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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