Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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