i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
