Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
