We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
