Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
