Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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