You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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