Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
