Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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