i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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