the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
