you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
