so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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