My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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