Your tits are I can't wait for
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
