I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
