the day after is always just damage control
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
