why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
