At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
