I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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