I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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