I'm really into asian looking animals
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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