the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
