I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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