Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
