They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
