the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Randomize
