just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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