Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
worst night to have a conscience
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
