I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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