remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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