i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
