highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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