he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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