I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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