no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Is it because I queefed?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
