Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
