"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
