So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I believe in your delicious
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