That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
