there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
