I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dick very happy bro
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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