so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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