it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
