3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
