What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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