laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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