Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
