i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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