you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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