do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
