Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
